View topic - IT'S HERE!!!!!!!

by **Stokey Sue** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 12:13 am

They were always a rum lot in the Navy

by **Hickybank** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 11:52 am

Learning how to escape i quickly from irate husbands when visiting foreign ports.

by **Badger's Mate** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 12:22 pm

Did You Know that in the 1850's, the entrance exam for the Royal Navy involved writing out the Lord's Prayer and jumping over a chair naked?

Whereas in the 1750s, it involved being unable to outrun the press gang...

by **karadekoolaid** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 12:46 pm

The boy stood on the burning deck
As naked as can be,
He leapt the chair, flew through the air
And landed in the sea.

TADAAAA!!

by **scullion** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 1:57 pm

the version that went round at school about a boy in the year above me was:

the boy stood on the burning deck,
his name was (specific boy's name),
he took his vest and panties off
and there revealed a bra.

by **Stokey Sue** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 2:02 pm

The boy stood on the burning deck
His feet were full of blisters
He tore his trousers on a nail
And had to wear his sister’s

For anyone who doesn’t know the original poem it’s The Wreck of the Hesperus by Longfellow - when I was young I ofte heard a mess described as looking like the wreck of the Hesperus
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/ ... e-hesperus

by **Seatallan** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 2:47 pm

Or a variant:

The boy stood on the railway track
The engine gave a squeal
The driver took an oily rag
And wiped him off the wheel

by **scullion** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 2:47 pm

Stokey Sue wrote: when I was young I ofte heard a mess described as looking like the wreck of the Hesperus

that would be me then. i was always being called that by my mother! (or told that i looked like i'd 'been dragged through a hedge backwards').
it was interesting to hear it said by someone on the radio, last week, that it was used that way by their mother, too.

by **Stokey Sue** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 2:50 pm

It’s an age thing :roll:

Until I actual read the poem I sort of believed that a Hesperus was a sort of sea monster washed up on the shore, not a sailing ship!

by **Hickybank** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 3:51 pm

The boy stood on the burning deck
Picking his nose like mad
He rolled them into little balls
And flicked them at his dad

or
The boys stood on the burning deck
His legs were all aquiver
He gave a cough
His leg fell off
And floated down the river

by **dennispc** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 3:55 pm

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One's heavy and the other's a little lighter.

by **Earthmaiden** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 4:56 pm

We seem to have discarded the Lord's Prayer part.

by **Seatallan** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 5:03 pm

Hicky!

I still use the expression 'Wreck of the Hesperus' frequently. Usually when looking in mirror first thing in the morning. :roll:

by **Badger's Mate** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 7:18 pm

I still use the expression 'Wreck of the Hesperus' frequently.

It also features in the song Lydia the tattooed lady , iirc

by **karadekoolaid** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 8:49 pm

That´s a "Knock, knock" joke:
Knock knock!
Who´s there?
Lydia
Lydia who?
Lydia dustbin.

by **Gruney2** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 9:37 pm

That's even groanier than mine;-

Knock knock

Who's there?

To.

To who?

No! To whom.

by **Grasshopper** » Sat Dec 05, 2020 11:55 pm

Goodwill And Custard!!!!!

It's Day 5!

So ........

WHAT'S BEHIND THE DOOR TODAY???

*Opens door*

Did You Know that in most countries, the most popular programme on TV is the weather forecast?

It's not just us Brits, then

'Till next time!

by **Gruney2** » Sun Dec 06, 2020 12:06 am

Excellent - as always, Grassie. Thank you. :thumbsup

by **Stokey Sue** » Sun Dec 06, 2020 1:03 am

I spent a few months in South Africa, at the end of the weather you would get the power cuts forecast, telling you where to expect them

by **Rainbow** » Sun Dec 06, 2020 1:16 am

Grasshopper wrote:It's not just us Brits, then

I thought it was a very British thing until I came to Oz. The weather is a major topic over here too - lots of complaints about the heat at the moment! We're having a heatwave and it's 33º today again!! Could you send some cold air this way, please :lol:

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